I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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