I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just want nice things and good sex
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Bring me that man meat
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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