She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
