I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
