Can Purell be used as lube?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
