Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
