Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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