just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
