Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Randomize
