i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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