Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
