i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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