We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This is the high leading the old right now
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
