Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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