He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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