and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
