glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
