um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
