No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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