The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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