I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
