Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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