i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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