Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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