I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
