Only a mothe r could love this liver
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
