I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
