So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
