i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
