what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
