I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
