he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize