Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
