Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
