I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
