I wish I could punch you in the face.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Pants are for mortals
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
