Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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