found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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