I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
