yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
