I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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