C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My vagina just clenched in fear
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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