she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
