Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
