yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
