he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
