How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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