Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
