Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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