Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
