really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize