You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
