I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
even my farts smell like vagina
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
