Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
