and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
