I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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