There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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