I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
