My liver just broke up with me...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
