I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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