i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
