if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
