Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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