Porn is love you can see.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
