thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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