The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you didnt know i had herpes?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
